The Rainbow Couch

When geeks are gay: the closet of stereotypes

2011-09-22T13:27:00.000-07:00

It's hard to escape stereotypes. We think we're immune, we think we can spot them and avoid them, but they keep coming at us from every direction. They don't just damage us indirectly by influencing how others see us - they damage the way we see ourselves and influence the way we act.

Stereotypes can be particularly harmful to those still coming to terms with their sexuality. I see this again and again in my practice. You see, if you want others to believe you're gay, you shouldn't be too masculine, shouldn't look like you've dressed in the dark, and should definitely not spend most of your time fixing any one of the numerous broken down cars that litter your backyard. Unless, of course, you enjoy the idea that every terror filled time you utter "I'm gay" to someone, it will be met with the words "You're kidding!" A reaction like that can be devastating to someone who is struggling with doubts, yet has finally come up with the courage to share his inner truth with another soul, be it a family member, a friend, or even himself. A client of mine described to me how it feels: "It makes me mad. Like, why the hell would I kid around about something like this? People think they know what a gay man looks like and behaves like and I don't fit that. I'm large, non-feminine, married, a father, I like cars, guns, and, as far as they knew, women. So, yeah, I don't really fit the stereotype."

Stereotypes can push us back into a closet of sorts, kicking and screaming. Stereotypes make those who don't fit preconceived ideas - what we should look like, how we should behave, how we should feel - just plain invisible to the outside world. It erases the "misfits" and leaves behind only those who conform to a narrow set of parameters. So do we have to conform to limiting and misguided ideas of what we should be like in order to gain acceptance for who we are? This is far from healthy. We can end up internalising what we hear until it becomes our "truth". We use it to push ourselves back into a closet of everything we're not, we force ourselves to behave in a way that simply isn't us.

Back in my online psychotherapy practice, I'm talking to a guy who knows he's gay but is terrified of "living the gay life". I ask him what he's scared of. He tells me that all the gay relationships he's seen, have had at least one very effeminate man. It's neither what he wants from a partner, nor what he's about, so how can he be gay? Everything he "knows" about what it's like to be gay, comes from the movies, TV and other media that are available where he lives (which is as far from New York, London or Amsterdam as you can get). I tell him to find out what it's really like from some real life gays and suggest the internet. He's a lot happier in our next session. He tells me, "As it was put to me, it's like hanging out with your best friend, with sex." He adds, "Somebody who plays video games and can hold a decent conversation, who likes some of the same things and has a penis? That sounds awesome!"

And what perpetuates all these damaging stereotypes? Much of it is down to the way LGBT people are portrayed in popular culture. There are too few role models to do justice to the huge variety in personalities, styles, likes and dislikes, that makes up the multi-faceted LGBT community. Nothing beyond a few narrow stereotypes is reflected. We are reduced to handful of extremes, sometimes even turned into a freak show, our existence sensationalised into the outrageous and the shocking. Yes, we can be all of the above and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but we do boring too. This is so important for many people to know when they're trying to find out who they are, or even when they can't help who they are but fear it will lead to rejection. It's intimidating to feel that you have to pick from a limited set of options in order to be counted as LGBT. It can make some people feel that maybe it's not who they are, and others that they're "not good enough" LGBTs. It reduces our identity to nothing more than our sexuality, whereas in reality we have complex identities just like everyone else, which is true of all minorities. Many people I see in my practice are confronted with these issues. When older people come to me for help because they're still trying to come to terms with their sexuality, I'm likely to find the same stereotypes standing in their way. Families refuse to believe that they are really gay because they're "not like that". As the doubts seep in, I have seen people start to wonder whether they're wrong about themselves. After all, they're not "like that". In extreme cases, they even suppress the sexual attraction they feel, but, mostly, they just feel they don't belong and exclude themselves.

You'd think that, by now, we would be seeing a greater maturity in society where everyone would accept that even LGBTs come in all shapes and sizes, good and bad, politically correct or not. You wouldn't think that we would still be waiting for all colours of the rainbow to mean exactly that. If society claims to accept us as normal, then why isn't that depicted in that most accessible mirror of our daily lives: popular media? Do it for kids growing up thinking - or knowing - they might be LGBT, wanting the reassurance of seeing others like them, rounded characters in real life or fiction. Do it to give kids role models that feel right, that feel truly like them no matter who they are, in a way that feels comfortable to try out. Do it also for those hovering on the fringes of the LGBT community, hesitating, feeling left out and out of kilter. Do it to show everyone out there that we're here - the ones you see and the ones you refuse to see. We're everywhere, so you had better get used to it. And don't be so sure that the geek you're talking to couldn't possible be gay.

Bisexual Men Exist, Revisited

2011-09-05T08:40:00.000-07:00

And here's something I wrote earlier: Bisexual Men Exist, Revisited. This is my most recent column for my Bi Social Network, Bi Life with Ronete Cohen. It's about the Rosenthal study that proves once and for all that bisexual patterns of attraction in men do exist. (If you want to read of all it, you'll have to join Bi Social Network.)

The Flat Earth Society - bigotry in the name of god

2011-08-15T13:22:00.000-07:00

As strange as it may seem, the Flat Earth Society is very much alive and well. Wherever we look, there are people who obstinately ignore what science and fact is telling them and holding on to ludicrous views. When it comes to real flat-earthers, we can simply giggle as we watch them, imprisoned in their own narrow world, too scared to fall off the edge to really go anywhere.

But the ones I'm talking about are dragging us all into their self-imposed prison of ignorance. The modern day equivalent - a united front of ex-gay movement fanatics, anti-same-sex marriage advocates, opponents of anti-LGBT bullying programs and sex education at schools, etc. - stick to their ignorant views despite the science, despite a huge body of evidence that proves the contrary. Many of them don't just ignore what others know, they ignore what they know deep inside.

Flat earthers claim that you can pray away the gay, that you can "cure" people with what they call therapy (but that few therapists would recognise as such, more often than not administered by someone who isn't a therapist at all). They ignore the fact that the American Psychological Association (APA) and all other reputable professional organisations (as distinguished from discredited pseudo scientific propaganda organs) who have not only researched and examined the issue, but truly understand humans, condemn this treatment in no uncertain terms. They ignore the fact that they say that homosexuality isn't an illness and it is therefore unethical and pointless to try and "cure" it, and that it is likely to cause harm to try and do so. They are not dissuaded by the evidence, which even they can see, that they don't seem to be "curing" anyone. They are not dissuaded by the evidence, even when a not insubstantial number of them know deep down inside that they themselves are gay. They shout "the earth is flat" at the top of their voices until they are caught with their pants down with yet another male escort they picked up through the internet. They ignore the huge number of ex-ex-gays, among them founders and leaders of the movement, who not only admit that they pretended to no longer be gay, but apologised for all the terrible harm they have done to the people who were bullied by the church and their environment into changing or facing eternal damnation. They claim to be motivated by the love of god, yet they manage to turn a blind eye to those who have been harmed and even committed suicide as a result of this atrocity. They continue regardless. Because the earth is flat and that's it.

Flat earthers claim that same-sex marriage harms children. The APA says the opposite is true and they should know, because they are guided by facts and by a deep, professional knowledge and understanding of people and families. Not allowing same-sex marriage harms the support network that the children of same-sex couples have and makes them unequal to (and subsequently more vulnerable than) the children of opposite sex parents. It disadvantages them financially and also interferes with legal and other rights both parents would have regarding the children and each other. Same-sex marriage doesn't harm children, it helps them. But the flat earthers keep on fighting it on the grounds that it will means the end of the family and civilisation as we know it. Because the earth it flat and that's it.

Flat earther oppose sex-education. They advocate abstinence as the only choice. The facts and figures show that the US states where abstinence is taught have the highest rates of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and teenage pregnancies. Countries where real sex-education is the norm have low levels of STDs and pregnancies among teenagers. Yet they keep on saying that teaching abstinence works and sex-education is bad. Because the earth is flat and that's it.

Flat earthers say Don't Ask Don't Tell worked. Facts say that DADT lost the US army many many vital soldiers, in particular Arab speakers, a relatively rare and much needed specialisation. They say they'll reinstate it. Because the earth is flat and that's it.

Recent research shows that the way people read the bible is tied to their fellow worshippers' level of education. Judging by the exponential growth in the number of flat earthers and the way they seem to be wherever you look nowadays, more vocal than ever, it's time to get worried about what kind of education church members are getting. This spread of ignorance is truly breathtaking: the inability to absorb facts and knowledge, to understand basic scientific concepts such as empirical evidence, or even to accept that you can't know everything about everything and that sometimes it's clever to admit the limits of your knowledge and to listen to those who have made it their job to know. When you remember that flat earthers want to teach Creationism and Intelligent (sic) Design in science classes, it all makes sense - or not. And it becomes truly scary, because they are trying to spread their ignorance to everyone else.

Belief in god is a personal thing. Christian Sharia law is as unacceptable as its Muslim equivalent, but it's creeping into our lives. Religion - or rather a very fundamentalist and hate-filled version of it - is being forced down all our throats. Religion is a highly personal view of the world that should stay inside the walls of the church or the synagogue or the mosque. Ignorance and hate-filled views shouldn't determine public policy. The state is there to protect us all in the same way, whatever our views. How we are protected should be determined by expert knowledge, not prejudice. Even the children of the members of the most bigoted churches, even the members themselves, deserve the same protection that we all receive. If they are gay, they shouldn't be bullied and abused for it. If they need real facts about sex, they should be allowed access to them. If they fall in love with a member of the same sex, they should be allowed to marry. The earth isn't flat and you can't fall off the edges. Church stops once you exit its doors. You can carry it with you, inside you, but that's as far as it goes.

Make It Better Now!

2011-07-30T07:28:00.000-07:00

I'm a big fan of Dan Savage's wonderful It Gets Better initiative. It's a vital lifeline for so many young people. But why can't we Make It Better Now for LGBT youth?

Wherever I look I find more examples of life being made worse for LGBT youth. I see shockingly disproportionate levels of homeless LGBT teens. I see Don't Say Gay and No Homo Promo policies that isolate LGBT school students and, not only bar them from seeking help, but, unimaginably worse and almost beyond belief, leave them exposed to bullying by their peers and by those who are supposed to help and protect them. I see pathetically low levels of positive representation (0.6%!) of LGBT on youth TV.

What I can't understand, no matter how hard I try, is why we can't Make It Better Now. We need to demand urgent action. Why are hate groups allowed to dictate laws that are sanctioning bullying and criminal neglect of vulnerable children? Governments should be aware of the fact that in an atmosphere of hatred and bigotry, those brave LGBT youth who do dare to come out end up even more vulnerable. There needs to be a safety net for these children. And I refer to them as children because they are children! Schools should be looking out for them and noticing when things go wrong, instead of erasing their existence and bullying them too. This inclusiveness and acceptance should be legislated from above and not left to individual schools or districts/counties to decide. It's called protecting the vulnerable, protecting our children from real and present danger. There's no point crying crocodile tears over those who've faced so many closed doors that they've ended up committing suicide, if you're not going to do anything about it. This is hurting our children and even killing them. Can you imagine something else hurting children this much and no action being taken? No, neither can I.

LGBT youth deserve to be safe, just like everyone else. We can normalise their existence both for them and for the rest of the world. It's not that complicated. All we need to do is to provide the infrastructure of support they need and the proportion of positive role models that reflects their true proportion in society. There are positive actions going on, but they are not joined up enough to reach everyone who needs help, or to prevent hate actions from hostile elements. LGBT youth are a very vulnerable group and should be a very high priority for policy makers. It's time for action, not words. Make It Better Now!

No sex please, we're British?

2011-07-21T05:33:00.000-07:00

Okay, on a scale of 0 to World Event, this hardly makes a dent, but nevertheless it's a symptom of a wider malaise. The BBC has cut a sex scene between Captain Jack Harkness and another man from the UK screening of an episode of Torchwood. Yes, our US cousins have been deemed mature enough to view such depravity without being scarred for life, but we can't be trusted not to run riot as a result of exposure to a simulation of People Having Sex. What if we get turned on? Or, even worse: What if it puts ideas into our heads and we actually go and have sex? Perish the thought!

In case you were wondering, this episode isn't scheduled for before that famous British institute known as The Watershed (9pm: no scenes that are considered unsuitable for the eyes of children can be shown earlier than that - oh, except for the odd bit of violence and the relentless hard-sell of fast food and toys). It was scheduled for 9.20pm, a time that the BBC determines to be "too soon after the watershed". Come again? How soon after the watershed does the watershed actually come into effect?

What would happen if Captain Jack got his rocks off with a gal? The BBC are quick to defend their decision as totally non-homophobic, but puhleeze! Or, as we like to say in Blighty: pull the other one, it's got bells on. I smell a rat here, or, more accurately, the growing influence of Middle England/Daily Mail readers ranting and raving against the encroaching modern world. I have news for them: Queen Victoria is dead. Some of us actually like sex and don't find it in the least bit offensive. Not even same-sex sex. So put that in your pipe and smoke it! It's deeply offensive to most adults to have such sexual repression alive and well in this day and age and pushed down our throats (no pun intended - oh, well, maybe a little...). If you don't like it, no one is forcing you to watch it. But I do like it - and I'm not the only one - and I feel that my rights are being trampled. I've already complained to the BBC. Why don't you? You can use this form to do so.

There's a T in LGBT

2011-07-16T05:19:00.000-07:00

It seems beyond bleeding obvious, but, the fact is that, for most people, the T tends to disappear into their blind spot. Don't take my word for it - facts speak louder than words. ILGA Europe have been hard at work producing maps of Europe to illustrate the state of LGBT equality and discrimination in each country. There are two separate maps: one marked Sexual Orientation (LGB) and the other Gender Identity (T). Click on the links and have a look. I don't know about you, but I just wanted to cry when I saw what reality looks like for transgenders in Europe in the 21st century. LGB rights throughout Europe follow a predictable pattern with the odd surprise here and there: while Eastern Europe is stuck in the dark ages of deeply ingrained homophobia, Western Europe, bar the occasional anomaly, has moved with the times (but shame on you France and FFS Italy!). And then we get to the T... Countries that had the highest score for LGB rights are now barely distinguishable from the former Eastern bloc. It's a travesty that a whole group seems to have been left behind in the struggle for LGBT rights.

But transgenders often face discrimination where you would expect acceptance and understanding: gays and lesbians. It's no wonder that the B and the T often stick together - we know only too well what it's like to be marginalised and dismissed as someone who has taken a wrong turn or got stuck on the road to enlightenment. An example of a horrific case of transphobia from old-school lesbians, is the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival that has been marginalising transwomen for decades. They operate a disgraceful policy of Womyn-born-Womyn (women who were identified as female at birth, then raised as girls, and then chose to live as women). This excludes transwomen, transmen and intersex, since they don't conform to their narrow definition of the purity of the gender (and I choose my words carefully). I deliberately don't use the word 'feminists' to describe these women (or womyn), because I identify as a feminist and I don't want to be associated with such hateful prejudice. This isn't feminism. This isn't sisterhood. This is pure hatred and oppression worse than any patriarchy they complain about at any opportunity.

Are we going to remain silent while such discrimination continues in broad daylight? Transgenders are part of our community and we must never forget that. We diminish ourselves by ignoring their fight for equality. We reveal our deepest ugliness by treating them as an aberration, by lacking compassion for fellow human beings. We shouldn't question - we should accept and respect. We wouldn't expect anything else ourselves, so what's so different about transgenders?

Not in front of the children

2011-07-04T04:20:00.000-07:00

In the north of England, an opera with a cast of 300 school children has been shelved in a row about the main character's sexuality. It all revolves around a scene where he is taunted and defends his sexuality using the words "I'm queer" and "I prefer a lad to a lass". The school demanded that these lines be removed and Opera North has backed their demands. The writer refused to budge so this meant the end of the whole project.

Opera North and the school insist that this isn't homophobia. Well, I beg to differ. What do you call reducing same-sex relationships to a sex act that is too disturbing for children to be exposed to? Do they feel the need to protect children from references to heterosexual marriage because it's all about sex? I don't think so. Is this all that a non-heterosexual sexual orientation boils down to? What about love? What about having an identity that isn't just about having sex? This is not just true of heterosexuals, but also of gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders. Are those of us who aren't straight no more than the sum total of our genitals?

That's simply bigoted, not to mention dehumanising. All involved insist they are not homophobic. If that is so, then why is it so disturbing for children to be aware of our existence in all its normality? It's stigmatising to depict us in such a way. It's called homophobia. We're just like everyone else: we eat, we sleep, we work, we do or we don't have children, we even go to the toilet - just like the Queen does. The only difference is that when it comes to sex - an activity we have in common with straight people - we have different preferences. So big deal. Get over it.

So why are children too young to know that someone is gay and that it's okay? What about the children who have same-sex parents? They're getting a message that it's naughty or dirty, and their classmates are hearing this too. What about the children who already know they are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender? They're getting a message that there's something naughty or dirty about them, something they need to be ashamed of, something they need to hide and struggle with on their own. If their sexual orientation is noticeable to other kids, they are likely to get bullied. Ironically, the opera deals with someone being taunted about his sexuality and showing how to stand up to his tormentors. Aren't we supposed to be fighting bullying? Haven't we all been shocked enough by the suicides of LGBT school children and youth?

This is warped and sick. It's a disgusting case of homophobia, and calling it anything else won't make a blind bit of difference. It encourages bullying. Hell, it is bullying! We need to call a spade a spade and shame the school and Opera North into action. For the sake of all our children!

Congratulations New York!

2011-06-25T02:56:00.000-07:00

Wonderful news from New York: The Marriage Equality Act passed the New York State Legislature, allowing same-sex couples to marry legally in New York for the first time. The governor has signed the new law, which means that same-sex couples can obtain marriage licenses starting 30 days from today - not a moment too soon. Let's hope many more will follow. All humans deserve the same human rights.

For once, words fail me. Here are some pictures instead.

On bisexuality - again

2011-06-18T09:38:00.000-07:00

I've recently been asked by a gay friend to explain (for the benefit of his gay friends who are having trouble getting their heads round a pretty simple concept) how it's possible to define yourself as bisexual and yet be in a monogamous relationship with a member of the opposite sex. I'm a patient gal, so I'll just count to 10 and answer the question I've heard too many times.

Basically, we're damned if we do and damned if we don't! Ask most self-respecting gays or lesbians and they'll warn you never ever in a million zillion years to touch a bisexual with a barge pole, because before you know it they'll be off with a member of the opposite sex, engaging in hetero-normative behaviour, AKA jumping back into the closet. So we can't be trusted to keep our pants on and be monogamous. And when we have the cheek to contradict this prejudice by actually being in a long term relationship, that's no good either. Publicly defining yourself as bisexual "despite" not being in a same-sex relationship kind of negates the whole definition of being closeted, but - in my experience - that has never stopped anyone from saying exactly that.

So why do some of us end up with members of the opposite sex? Because - I really don't want to add "duh", but how many times can you say the same thing? - no part of being bisexual is a choice, and that includes the gender of the person you happen to fall for. In the same way that a gay person can't decide to just get over it and fall in love with a member of the opposite sex, we can't just decide to go for a man or a woman for the sake of convenience, social convention, or to make things easier for others to understand. Trust me, if we could, we would. It's really boring having to explain something that is basically not rocket science, again and again and again and again. What's so complicated? Nothing. That's the whole thing: sometimes we fall for a man, sometimes for a woman. We can't predict which one it's going to be this time or the next. I'm surprised betting shops haven't yet cottoned on to this still unchartered territory of the gambling market. Not understanding something so simple is just a refusal to accept someone who doesn't conform to your way of life.

So, they ask, if you're in a "straight" relationship, doesn't that make you stop being bisexual and turn you straight? Now I have a question: if a gay/lesbian isn't in a relationship does that stop them from being gay/lesbian? Do we have to sleep with girls on odd days of the week and boys on even days for all eternity in order to justify using the label bisexual to describe our sexual orientation? Well, that wasn't on the tin when I bought it, so I want my money back.

Okay, I know what comes next! You're asking: Well, if all this is true then why don't we see any bisexuals in long term same sex relationships? Well, you do, only most of the time you don't know they're bisexual. And do you know why? Because life is often not really worth living for bisexuals who are out in the gay/lesbian world, especially men. I know bisexuals who have given up on same-sex relationships altogether because they couldn't deal with the accusations, the dismissal, the lack of respect for who they are. This makes me really angry. You wouldn't expect people who have experienced this kind of treatment themselves to inflict it on others. There are bisexuals who are brave (or foolish?) enough to be out in the gay/lesbian world (see my post about the Christian bisexual, for instance), but they are few and far between.

On bisexuality

2011-06-12T13:32:00.000-07:00

This is my first, but definitely not my last, posting on the subject of bisexuality. I have a touch of RSI in my right wrist and finger, so I will limit myself to borrowing. First from another blog: What does it feel like to be bisexual and Christian? Very moving. And as for bisexuality, I promise you that - to use Arnie's famous words - I'll be back. And if you can't wait that long, then read my contribution to the Bi Social Network site: Being bisexual in the Netherlands.

Dr Joseph Nicolosi - the third and last instalment of an ongoing horror story

2011-06-10T14:21:00.000-07:00

This is part 3 of CNN's report about the "Sissy Boy" experiment, performed on a 5 year old boy by Dr George Rekers. In this part, Ryan Kendall tells of his "treatment" in the hands of Dr Joseph Nicolosi, a leading "light" of the notorious NARTH. He not only claims to have kept hundreds of kids from growing up gay, but is adamant that the treatment is both effective and does no harm.

Unfortunately, I am no stranger to practitioners whose role is to help but who are able to delude themselves about the suffering they are causing (or turn a blind eye?) in line with their own prejudices. What I don't understand is how such child abuse is left unchecked. Drugs are tested and retested for years before they are licensed for use. However, when it comes to the mental health of our children, it's a completely different story. Children grow up into adults, formed by whatever has or hasn't been done to them. Damage leaves everlasting scars, but there seems to be little or no protection to prevent this from happening. What kind of society are we living in if this kind of child abuse is allowed to continue? Isn't it time that our legislators stopped kowtowing to blatantly homophobic organisations and started to protect us from harm?

Is it possible to “cure” gays and “make them straight”? A reply to Dr Rekers

2011-06-09T12:44:00.000-07:00

This is part 2 of CNN's report about the "Sissy Boy" experiment, performed on a 5 year old boy by Dr George Rekers.

And here's my reply to Dr Rekers (this in an article I wrote 5 years ago):

Is it possible to “cure” gays and “make them straight”?

“You can’t make fish fly, but you can chuck them across the room and make them think, for just a little while, that they can.”

Some therapists say that they can “turn gays straight” with the use of a method called “reorientation treatment”. They insist that they are not homophobic and that they only want to help people who are unhappy with their sexuality, but good therapists help people to find the best way to live with what they can’t change. Reorientation treatment is a pseudo science that is considered unethical by all the leading mental health and medical associations in the world and is rejected by scientific opinion – it doesn’t work and can lead to depression or suicide. The treatment is based on the denial of natural urges. Many people who have tried this process don’t speak of a “cure” but of a constant battle to fight their true passions through enforced celibacy, and of a miserable, loveless life full of self-hatred. It causes the kind of damage that it claims to prevent. The ideas behind reorientation treatment come from the conservative religious view of homosexuality as a sin. It uses non-scientific, outdated and largely rejected set of ideas (classic psychoanalysis) to try and change sexual orientation.

But what if my life is really bad? Isn’t it better to have treatment?

No, because it doesn’t work and it can cause very serious psychological damage that will make your life even worse. They make you believe that being gay can only be bad so it’s better not to live like that, but it isn’t true that homosexuals always have a terrible life and no chance of a stable relationship. They say that homosexual sex gives you AIDS, but anyone (gay or straight) who has unsafe sex can catch AIDS. Reorientation makes the danger of catching AIDS a lot greater – when treatment doesn’t work, many people pretend to be straight while having a secret gay life; people like that don’t get safe sex information and they end up having high-risk sex.

But I’ve seen scientific proof that what they’re doing is right!

That’s what they like to say, but it’s not true. A lot of the “proof” looks like real science, but it comes from non-scientific sources and was never published in any scientific journal. They say stuff about paedophilia and homosexuality, about the origins of homosexuality, and about the success rate of re-orientation treatment, but it is all scientifically worthless. Most of the research they quote is badly designed and therefore of no value. Even the one widely quoted scientific article that they say is the ultimate proof that treatment does work doesn’t really prove what it claims.

But what they say make a lot of sense sometimes!

If you carefully and critically analyse what they are saying, then they don’t make sense at all. They only quote parts of scientific articles because if they used the whole article then it would prove the opposite of what they are saying. They don’t follow the rules of basic logic or science. It only looks good if you’re not a scientist.

Warning:

Reorientation treatment goes against the international standards of medical and psychological ethics. Real therapy should help people live happy lives. It should never ever harm them.

The evils of "curing" gays

2011-06-08T05:39:00.000-07:00

I viewed a clip from CNN today about a horrific psychological experiment carried out on a child in the US. Yes, a child! This child became a desperately unhappy adult, who killed himself at the age of 38. And the man who carried out this experiment is still hailed as an expert and walks this earth a free man. This "expert" was "curing" a young child of 5 of his "feminine" behaviour, "saving him" from becoming a gay adult. The child became a gay adult. The "expert" was more recently caught returning from holiday with a gay escort. Didn't work for him, did it, or did he know it would only do him harm? If he did, that never stopped him from publishing endless articles and books about his "successful" treatment, spreading the word. And every one of the numerous Ex-Gay organisations offering "reparative" treatment, every charlatan therapist offering a "cure" from homosexuality to the desperately unhappy people who approaches him/her, every repressive regime in a homophobic country that believes in "scientific" approaches to "curing" various manifestations of LGBT behaviour, quotes his work. This "expert" is just one of too many to count. They all quote each other in a pyramid of unethical, unscientific, biased, bogus, pseudo research, lending their ignorant efforts an air of respectability by doing so. And the victims end up like this poor boy.

To me this is plain evil, not ignorance. Ignorance requires not being able to grasp the truth, not having the opportunity of exposure to expert and learned opinion. This is being deliberately and arrogantly deaf to the voices of the people you are supposedly trying to help, turning a blind eye to the terrible abuse of a young child. They've destroyed a life and a family. I have been fighting this evil for several years now, in every way possible. This clip is the first of three. I will publish the other two as they appear. I will also publish a link to my article on the lie that is "reparative" treatment in a future blog.

The courage and determination of a 12-year old kid

2011-06-07T06:13:00.000-07:00

Today I read about this amazing kid, Sam Maden, who successfully campaigned to get the Red Sox to make an It Gets Better video. I am in awe of what he's achieved. If there were more people as compassionate and caring as he is in this world, it would be a much better place. Read all about it here.